Life, a journey, an expedition?

Life life life. I dono what am i doing with my life now seriously. No job, no work, no income, no things to do. Its like i'm turning into a bloody pig that just eats, sleeps and shit. Haiz. What's happening to me? What am i turning into? Every morning, i wake up, i keep looking at the ceiling, and i ask, "what am i supposed to do today...?"

And the answer, is nothing. Great rite? I'm not happy. With everything that's going on. I try to put a good face, try to be happy, but i'm hurting inside...Everyday, the surface of my heart keeps bleeding and bleeding. Why must i go through all this? A process of learning? Or what? I've tried to look at the good side, but yet i can't see anything. I just so so so so so feel like giving up. Giving up everything.

"Life is an art that is done without using an eraser."

Nice line, but it sucks. You can't re-do what u've done. No "backspace" button, neither do u have the Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V button. Which is, "copy and paste" function. Its like typing a letter using those old typewriters....And u only have a sheet of paper. Once wrong, gone. The paper is then defiled, with sin, with wrongdoings, with remorse, and regret. So when u "type" on the paper, "type" it right, dun get it wrong, coz u can't undo it. No Ctrl+Z function too.

Haiz....Probably at times, the title and its content clashes rite. Lolx.
Anyway.........

Wanna know what situation i'm in right now?
~~I'm a footballer. I play for MU. Everybody LOVES MU doesn't it? Ok not everybody but quite alot of people. Yes, playing for MU is fun. Not only does it earn you glory, it also gives you privileges from the team itself. One day, i fail to score a goal against Malaysia's team. And the coach got me kicked out from the team. And there i was, out of the team, with nothing, but memories of the team.

After awhile, when MU was against Malaysia again, the coach realized, last time it wasn't my fault. It was the team's fault that i couldn't score the goal. And MU team asked me back to their team. I agreed, giving the fact that i thought i could make it in the team again. But, before MU re-invited me, i had good contact with the team in Germany. And i know, i CAN enter Germany, if i try hard enough. And Germany's team is so much ever-willing to accept me, despite my flaws in the goal against Malaysia and the kick-out-of-team-situation by MU.

So now, i'm in a bloody dilemma. Should i stay in the MU team? Or shud i go join Germany, which could be a whole new world for me...Germany is new, MU is old. Germany is a team of mysteries, MU is a team of memories. So what, do i do....~

Honestly at times i wud just go like WTF. PArdon me but yes, i'm really...on the verge of exploding. I dun understand. Why did God put me in this, or did i go into this myself? I want out, but yet i want in. I believe many people also have dilemmas. Everyday dilemmas. Just like driving, take highway or subway? Highway nid toll, subway got jam. It sucks....

James 1 : 2-6 says
~~[2]Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, [3]because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. [4]Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
[5]If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
[6]But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.~~~

I try to abide this verse. This is one of my favorite verses, which is the verse God gave me when MU asked me out of their team. Probably i'm going thru this shit....To learn? To decide? To be a better man? To be a better person? I don't know....I just hope, this expedition of mine....would be a good one.

P.S = Nearly all of the above, are expressions for things that aren't what it seems. If any of u can decipher it, Good. U can read my thoughts. If u can't, sorry lo. XD