Everyday life....Filled with problems....filled with disasters....haiz.....why must it be like a "roller-coaster"? why can't it just be like a "highway" where we can just speed our car like its nobody's business? why? why must we work for a living? why must we wake up everyday at 9am just to go to work and go home by 5pm? and once we're home we're just so tired that at times we just sleep till the next day and at the next day the same routine just happens? life's BORING!!! i dun't know about married couples but i'm just bored to death....
Everyday single day i have to wake up....even now its DECEMBER!!! i've still gotta wake up....just to go to college...and come home at 7pm....haiz....after 1 whole day of studying (not full-time tho)....can't i just rest and relax? come home still gotta kena nag by parents.....and they just don't admit that they are naggers....sian man....
i'm confused....we live our life to be God's worshipper....we live our life to be God's follower and believer....why are we to suffer like this? dun understand....the facts of life....terrible....
even as a youth now....i'm hit hardcore with so many freaking problems....studies, relationships, broken-relationships, parents, friends, etc. Yea i admit.....tho i'm a Christian i seriously admit i've attempted suicide....attempted to flee from home.....a darn wrong thing to do but i just can't hang in here....
2years ago....i had 2 best friends....and now....both of them left....am i that bad a person? am i that unworthy of it being even just a friend? honestly i've totally lost trust in the both of u....i'm just trying to patch things up and why can't you just see my honesty? can't u see the sincerity lodging in my eyes? the availability that i've been trying to give? why?
just 3 months ago another one of my best friend left me.....the 2nd one....haiz....i do mind that u leave but what can i do to stop u? its far from within my power.....but i just do realize one thing....all the things u ever said were just empty promises....promises meant for a kid....too bad i ain't one.....hahahaha....
i dun even know how to continue my daily life...everyday its just the same old thing....no diff....even the girl that i like now....i think she should know that i like her...but....its like....i'm getting nothing....haiz....
"God....i plead of ur mercy....and i beg for ur forgiveness for the every wrong that i've done....i really don't know what are ur plans for me....if you do have a plan for me please....do it quick....i just don't really know what i'm fighting for right now....just please God, guide me the way....be the light that shines unto my path....i am strong....but the world has made me weak....i am sincere....but the world has destroyed my sincerity...i was honest....but the world duped me....i'm lost God....please help....my heart is broken....please mend....this i plead....In Thy name, Amen."
i just hope.....that things would get better.....To those who're reading....i'm a good person.....just that i'm been driven to the edge by all these circumstances.....God bless....
~signing off for now....
~josaiya
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